“No Filipino! Nobody in my family likes you. Not my brother, not my sister. They said no. I can’t be married to a Filipino.”
At that moment, I literally felt every Filipino cell in my body scream. I am now a victim of racism. In a struggle that is neither violent nor crimson but still downright painful and full of prejudice.
In a moment of weakness, just within a week of our break-up, I called Fucche in his mobile in Kentucky. Given the pains of my kidney infection and nausea caused by my meds, I have given up and called who used to be my source of strength during such times.
I talked how I had nightmares and how the pain is new to me and how the meds don’t feel like they’re helping with all the side-effects. I was careful not to talk about the break-up.
“I caused all your suffering.”, just out of nowhere he said.
“Like how did you cause my infection?”
“Well, you know.”, implying him dumping me caused all my pain no matter how medical it is.
Great, I didn’t want to start but since we’re here…
Fight ensues.
“I made that decision thinking about you, Fucchhee. That I cannot make you happy.”
I argued. He argued back.
“You went away to Kentucky.”
“You fought for a friend instead of me.”
He fought on how it wouldn’t work. I fought on how he didn’t give us a chance to work. He fought on he can’t make me happy. I fought back to stop the bullshit-it’s-not-you-it’s-me arguments.
I said it was wrong to say that he dumped me for me. It was all for himself.
“You didn’t even try to talk to you family about a foreigner girlfriend. Doesn’t your brother have a foreigner wife? He loves her and they are happy. I am willing to go to Nepal to be with you.”
Then it came out.
“They said No Filipino.”
“Because I am foreigner?”
“No. They don’t want a Filipino. All of them, they don’t like you. They know about you. My sister knew even before I came to Sacramento, I don’t know how. But they all don’t like you.”
Because I am a Filipino. Any foreigner, but no Filipino.
I remember the moments I interacted with his brothers, in Skype. How I thought they were nice to me and were pleasant. How I was happy that there might be a chance.
I thought glumly, “so they never really liked me huh?” and found that I have been duped all along.
I have been loyal. If he argues that there was once I haven’t but that’s when he was jealous about a former friend and I defended that friend. It was wrong, maybe. But I never cheated nor looked at another guy despite being in California and him being in Kentucky.
How he listened to other people that Filipinos are players, I don’t know. But I do know some players and I also know some who are not. Some of those players where indeed Filipinos but a lot of those were not. But like in every nation, I do think that they are players everywhere. I just got unlucky that the whole clan chose to judge my race before knowing me.
I might be Filipino but I am also me. If I chose to cheat, then I would have done so a long time ago. He thinks it’s because I don’t have any one around. I’m a 29 years old and I can say I am fairly attractive. If I want to sleep around, I would.
But I didn’t.
I respect Nepali culture and am very fond of my Nepali friends. They are a treasure and I know there’s a bond that will never be broken.
I saw the challenges that he and I will encounter when we started this. I asked him a lot of questions, of his practices and his parents. He replied he has the coolest parents in the world and that we will be all right. How he proposed time and time again, and the only thing stopping me from saying YES was my damn pending immigration application.
We weren’t okay when culture clashes but I never saw that as something that cannot be healed by explanation and patience. I needed to be reasoned with and I started asking his permission if things are acceptable or not.
Maybe it’s the embarrassment of having a Filipino girlfriend that finally caved him in. Being scolded and reprimanded by his own family on what seems to be such a shameful girlfriend.
The whole clan against a girl that they never knew. I can’t fight a whole clan. He won’t vouch that I don’t sleep around.
Maybe it’s all blown out and maybe he just doesn’t love me at all.
Maybe he just got tired of a girlfriend that’s too different and argues too much.
Maybe it’s a lot of things.
But these things were still said. Filipinos are not welcome.
I do love him. I still do. He is the love of my life. Someone that I know I will not be able to replace. Not soon. Maybe not this year. Maybe not this decade.
Maybe not forever.
I am a Filipino. But being Filipino has caused me.
No, scratch that.
Racism has caused me. Racism has caused me my life and my chance for happiness.
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I’d agree with him about being racist against pinoys…against my own country…alam ko kasi baho nila eh…
But hey, ngka-kidney infection ka?
Yep. Masakit pero naging okay na rin.
yeah i have the same situation as you.
I met my nepali bf bec.we were in the same class. His friends were so nice but i got disappointed when I got to know that they are all hypocrite and it is maybe instilled in them. Double meaning phrases and hypocracy are maybe part of their culture. They stereotype alot, I swear I have a whole lot of nepali friends which turned out to be fake when you turn your back! They always try to be good infront of people but actually they have alot of things to say. My bf’s parents doesnt even know about me, he is just playing safe and he dont want his parents to know or his friends in nepal. He is so sweet and lovable guy but always pretend that he is single in facebook so his friends from Nepal wont know that he is in a relationship. I have understood his culture, I even know how to speak their language and have cooked nepali dishes. I can do everything to make me happy but I dont understand why does he have to hide me? Maybe he wants better girl in Nepal so he will preserve himself to be single so the girls who have like him in Nepal wont get discouraged that he had mad a gf already. He says that Nepalese only love once in theie lifetime and that will be their wife. So Im a Filipino,how can I be? His friends and family have talked alot about Filipinos that they run after money. All his friends have degraded Filipino girls coz they have slept with alot of them (students from the same university and bar girls). They thought that all Filipino girls are the same but Im sure I am different. I am from USA but I came back to the Phils.to pursue my studies and to be independent. I am really in a panic coz I think I will be left out after he will graduate 🙁 He will find someone that his parents arranged for him. I love him but I am somehow want to leave him coz I think he cant fight for our love..
i hope this issue is resolved already for u. im 24 this year and my boyfriend of 9 years (nepali, as well) went to Nepal for “vacation” as he told me and came back to me, in Hong Kong, 3 months later (now) and said he’s married. It was an arranged marriage, and he told me, if he didn’t do it – his mom will kill herself and won’t face her relatives because of the “humiliation” that she will face if he married me. im now stuck as an unmarried/single mother… ang sakit ng ginawa nia. but why so… why do they have to be so traditional of their culture? its already a modern society! i bet in 20 years time, there will be no more tradition as such.. they just dont get it. i dont get it either. hainakoo.. and u knw the funny thing is, the “girl” knows that i exist and that i am pregnant and she asked if i wanted to keep my baby otherwise she will raise her. the hell is wrong with these people?! i seriously contemplated suicide for this, i guess i just want to show the whole world the cause of my death so they can open their eyes.. lol.. thinking about it now – totally NOT worth it.
So… I’m not the only one eh??
I think next time we should have a background check first. This is really an eye opener for me. The title also suits them best, because like me, my boyfriend ended our relationship of 3years because of parental issues and culture.
I just don’t understand why they need to end with the girl they love because of their parents wishes. Isn’t it there are no parents who could disown their children. Isn’t it the goal of parents would be to see their children happy?
Or maybe he broke up with me, to play the field. I can’t blame him if he wants to… on all the posts that I read here, maybe they just really wants sex. If u r not around, maybe that’s what occupies them a lot I mean A LOT!
I think no matter a nepali guy’s proffession is, it is just the same, he will be ignorant and a bigot.
It’s sad to think that these cultures and beliefs still exist in this age and time.
I should’ve looked first before I loved him, because right now, when I looked back, it’s all a waste. I’ve wasted all my efforts to be with him and for the relationship to work out.but he didn’t even TRY to make it work. Nepali guys are too chicken to stand up to their parents. They believe that parents knows ALL. Including, what type of girl they would marry. It’s a total bullshit!!! I just prayed that they will grow balls for their future children.
I love the guy, but I think I need to love myself first. Because the love that they feel? It’s only superficial. I had once asked my ex bf if ever he will be arranged, would he love the girl? In my dismay, he said ‘probably’, I thought WTF! They see marriage and girls as a means of sex. They see their wives as a doormat, someone who can relieve their stress after a busy day, someone who can say yes to everything that they say, someone who can cook and swallow her pride for his sake. These people, don’t respect a woman. They are selfish ass who thinks highly of themselves. They think they really needs to be put on a pedestal be sure they are the MAN who can’t man -up to what they believe in.
These guys are sick people living on their own sick society.
We, GIRLS are so lucky that we have seen their shitty side this early, at least we didn’t invest too much. Girls needs to be with a man, who can stand up for her no matter what.
We can find a MAN (I mean, a real MAN) way better than them. We just need to pray.
Bless us.
:'(sorry about it.
No offence*
I am a nepali.
But unlike them,I come from India rather than Nepal.
You see,Racism is a strong unamendable issue which revolves round in this culture.
I am just 18.Too young to be trapped in a cage of racism.
Yet,i too have been a victim to Racism.
Discriminated to certain grounds,employment,culture,n even a fcking drinking water.
People are narrow minded.
Their thinking ability is shrunk.
I had a relation with a girl for 4 fcking years.Later,i was being abused due to so called Racism.
Implenting this problem requires mutual trust,faith,love,n most importantly humanism,which although is an impossible task to be carried out in a major scale.
Anyways forget about all these void craps.Its your life,make it large:-)
I appreciate your comment that this gives a different perspective from our experiences. As I have already escaped those issues, I hope you fight and push through with your life racism-free.
Thankyou Meemax.Wish you the same:)
I am Nepali too, and i have a girlfriend who is Filipino. And i will die for that girl, abandon everything if i have to but i will never hurt her. I read your story and yes that guy is not worth your love. Just because he was a Nepali doesn’t mean all the guys are same, maybe his family was crappy that doesn’t mean everyone has that same kind of family. Do you guys even know about Nepal?? Nepal is where all kinds of people live. we have hundreds of races within ourselves and hundreds of different languages. People from every religion lives in Nepal Hindu, Christian, Buddhist even Muslims live among us. In Nepal you don’t even have to convert your religion to marry another. Please don’t judge everyone taking one’s example.
I have many great Nepali friends but I wouldn’t say I would risk my heart being stumped again by trying with another Nepali.
i understand what you mean and you are right too but please never judge a person by his race and never waste your time on someone who can’t take a risk or can’t sacrifice for someone he loves
Good for you Bijay..but one thing you should remember, out of 5 nepali men only 2 have backbone…u happened to have one unless proven otherwise..my bf for 3 years was so convicted of continuing our relationship but when he got back home, he became a whimp.so prove ur words because nepali men are so good in saying wonderful things but fulfilling them is not their best suit..to the filipina women who loved truly, you are indeed blessed…u loved because of decision and u loved with sacrifice.no woman on earth could do that…the nepali men who gave up should settle with the same character as they are….weak in spirit…
That is sooo true.
Maybe there’s something in the waters there, that they really chicken-out and became a whole lot different person.
Nepali are cool as FRIENDS. but these girls, including me, knew better that it should be remain as it is,
They are never suitable for partners.
They are a total ass.
Hi, I am now 16 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby is Nepalese. We met and became friends 9mos ago.
I moved to a flat where he lives with his uncle. I lived in a separate room. Eventually we became friends, I even considered him as my bestfriend for that short period of time.. We’re at the same age so we found it easy to be together in everything..movies..clothes..even food,though at first I felt annoyed everytime he leaves a comment on my Filipino cooking. He is a strict conservative Hindu but I real
ly respect him and the race he came from.
He was already eyeing on a girl from Nepal. I became his adviser and consoler everytime they fight. What really hurts was that I started falling for him and sometimrs I couldn’t bear hearing him singing songs for the
girl. He was keen to ask her to marry him. He went back to Nepal for a holiday.There he met the girl once and asked her about his intentions. The girl also liked him but she needed to wait for their parents’ decisions.
He came back very cold to me. Things changed so fast but one day he was quite unwell. I couldn’t just ignore him so I stayed and take care of him for a couple of months.We regained back the friendship we had before until one night we were so carried away and we’ve done such thing we never thought would happen.
I never realised that I was pregnant until I decided to move a place. I have noticed symptoms of pregnacy. I was very happy when it came out to be positive. I immediately called him and spoke to him about it. He was good at first but then he blocked me in facebook and everything.Just recently..he called me and asked to meet up. We met but things weren’t that nice. He was asking mevto abort the baby..and that he couldn’t accept me and my baby. He was worried about his family kicking him out from the clan. He was worried about me ruining his future. He was talking about suicides. I left him with my broken heart. Until now he keeps on insisting to abort the baby which is reaaly impossible for me to do. I told him my baby will be ok..That we could live without him but thetruth is they have connections..someday, his child will look for him.and that he will look for his baby someday.
mas ok sa kanila yun other inationality like canadian or australian. 1 reason daw ay we both belong sa 3rd world country so it seems walang asenso na mangyayari. and they think filipinos are mangloloko, mangagamit and mostly low profile un tingin nila sa mga babae.
Hi,
As what i’ve read, youre story guys are really heart wrecking…and so was mine????????????…
I had a bf nepali, i met him at work…we are so happy, so in love with each other. I told him im not like my kabayan(im diff. Like; not like they see a filipina in negative way)and i proved it and he can see it. Then we date, we chat, we talk i ask him bout their culture about his parents bout his siblings he said their ok(ok means: not the traditional way of thinking)so i said so we’ll have a chance of “forever”.
He was telling me not to eat beef and so on and so forth and i obeyed him also to show respect the culture he have.
Hes so sweet, gentleman and loving bf. I ask him in the first week of our relationship, if he is arranged for a marriage in their place, he said no. I ask him if he has wife left in their place he said no, and laughed with my question. Then i feel safe.
Then, he ask me why my kabayan still acts like single in other country even they are so committed with their wife and family in the philippines. I said not all are like that…” Maybe you have heard that way but, i explained to him that we are raised differently, some circumstances or situations happen to change a persons view and personality. So thats why we cannot blame and judge them.
On our 4th month i found some changes in him, he dont message me that much not like before, he dont call me either, he messages me if im angry and crying and begging for time.
And im thinking what is happening to us..did i do wrong, did i made a mistake that made himself keep away from me??? Too much questions in my mind.
He is on vacation right now, in his country damauli,nepal. I send him to the airport. My heart is crying so much like thats the last time i will see him.
He arrived there, still communicating calling and chatting like theres no problem at all.. But i missed him so much and so he is. He said.
By 4th of August, i cannot contact him, he said in the village the signal is poor,then i said its ok i understand in our country also its like that. 8th of aug. He said to me i will no longer use my fb acct. Thats the last resort of communication ill have to contact him.i said why, he just said ill explain when i come back, he said he has a family problem, i ask what is it? He cant tell me i ask then, is it about me? That time he didnt reply.
Then i said to myself theres something wrong with this, i opened his fb acct. Then i ask my friend nepali to translate everything, there i found out that he is going to get married during his vacation there and there in messages of his friends that there congratulating him.
That time i felt like im so stupid i was dump, i was cheated and i feel like im going to get crazy…
And the solution is to kill myslef
But thanks to my friends and family… Now im trying to recover.. By the way it happened this month only August 2015. Im still recovering and trying to move on.
Ohhhhh, im Scared while reading those messages.
i am currently in a relationship with a nepali guy.
Its our 1st anniversarry next month.
He already asked me yesterday to marry him.
i said “YES”! because i think he is the one for me.
but as i read your stories…
i got scared. really.
We met each other at work. same shop. at first we were so happy, weve been through tough times that early. as days go by, we got stronger. we fight, yes there will always be fights. we both know that its worth it.
yesterday, he told me about his plans.. he will bring me in nepal.. we will be married there. its just one step closer…
i hope it will not be a sad ending.
his family already know me. my family also know him.
im still positive about everything.
im sorry for what happened to you guys.
🙁
Hey, just checking in on you and your boyfriend? I hope you guys are still together! Praying for you always! True love still prevails!
I’m currently with a Nepali guy and I’m a Filipina. It’s been five years already. I would say that their culture is really strict on relationships and marriage. I wouldn’t say that Nepali guys don’t have balls; I think they value family a lot that they are willing to sacrifice everything, even their happiness for their families (based on experience).
My boyfriend and I have had moments wherein we would break-up because of fear of unacceptance especially on his side of the family. However, we always end up back together the next day after. I have met his family and he has met mine. Believe it or not I’m still getting used to their practices and culture, even though I’ve been with him for 5 years now. Sometimes I tell myself, “if only I was with a Filipino, it would be easier”. But no, my guy is loving, loyal, and respectful and I don’t think I can trade him for even the richest guy on earth. He encourages me to meet his family and spend time with them to get to know them better.
A lot of things are still racing on my mind right now. What will happen when we will get married? I’m Catholic, he is Buddhist. I eat beef, he doesn’t. What will our kids follow? My culture or his? Is it going to work? Is this a bad idea?
But as long as he doesn’t hinder me from my dreams, and my beliefs, I would be by his side. I still believe in love. That it will conquer all. There’s no label that can stop our love, not age, religion, culture, not even distance.
Our secret is we talk. We talk about everything before anything else. No filters.
I am sharing this to let you know that not all Nepali guys are like that. Come to think of it, it’s not just Nepali guys who do that. Guys in different sizes, cultures, religions, and races do that. Right?
In the end, I pray for you all that the one meant for you will come. And, I’m positive he will come at the right time- in God’s time.