I hate let’s-wait-for-the-future things although that’s what I have been telling them. I hate telling them that because I know I hate waiting for the future. I hate waiting (period). He knows that well.

Sometimes patience is needed for the right decision. However, in this case, my cowardice overrides my patience. I don’t want to wait for a bad future. It’s not the bad future that scares me. It’s the waiting. And when you waited and waited but got the bad future instead of a good one; it sucks. You waited for nothing. No, not nothing. Something worse than nothing. They say waiting is worth every second when a good future happens. But maybe not for me. I hate waiting and I hate anticipation (I walk out during suspenseful parts during home movie watching). I always anticipate some bad future, probably because I deserve it. So I won’t wait.

I can’t. It’s instinct. Some bad experience that might have happened before when I waited and waited and got a bad future. I don’t know if it will go away. Suspense is building up and I want to run out of here.

But sometimes running takes time. Running takes preparation. Hopefully, while trying to run, while trying to prepare, I’ll look back. Maybe look forward, try to see the good future. Try not to see the long wait. Maybe look at the bad future as well. Maybe the bad future won’t last so long. Hopefully, while looking, while trying to run, I will realize maybe the good future might be worth waiting for after all.